thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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