Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
