the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
