..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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