Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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