well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
