I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
