You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
