Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
