Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
operation harelip BJ is a go
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
