the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
