I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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