My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
