I faked an abortion last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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