I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
