So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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