about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
