.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
