she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she looked like the before picture.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
