It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
