You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
