My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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