I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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