Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
