he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
