idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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