woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
