six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We are two peas in an std pod
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
