yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
