I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
