That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
