so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
