I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
