So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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