WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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