There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
