I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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