twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
