it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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