Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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