He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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