I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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