I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
