I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
