drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
