I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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