i permit you to call me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
