No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
