Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
