Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
