I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
