you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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