I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
