I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
