haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
