WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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