hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Semen is not good for contacts.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
